where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
