And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
