...so i touched it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
