he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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