I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
that's an acceptable place to lick
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
