Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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