That reminds me...we need to get swords
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
