dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
