I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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