she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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