i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
