There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
