Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
