it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
