I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
