just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
