Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
