You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
