Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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