Just fell off a train. Bad.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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