btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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