I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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