her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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