Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
