He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
