Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
