I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
