Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
