Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
