I just threw up on my dentist
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
