so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
