apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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