Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
