Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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