My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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