i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
