Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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