We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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