absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
