There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
