My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
