I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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