Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
