You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
