our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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