Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
