By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
