put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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