Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's blow job season.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
