I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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