That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
