you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
