so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
