Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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